Thursday, December 30, 2010

Oyster and Kebab don't mix (a blast from the past!)

Well the time has come where I have no contemporary Ghana adventures to talk about so I have to look back to my stash of stories and see what I can drag out for your viewing entertainment!

I think today i will go back to one of my first experiences in Ghana which certainly not the most attractive! Many of you will probably have heard this story before. (Funnily enough this story actually started a relationship for me once!)

Let me set the scene. It was my first trip to Ghana, and I had moved into a little house in Agorhome, a village in the Volta region. I was there sharing a room with Olee, who I had travelled to Ghana with. We bathed (with a bucket) outside in a little open air shower room. The fluorescent light bulb attracted every type of wildlife, and I can remember bathing with mossys, moths and frogs frequently. Incidentally, the water was so so cold and I really had a trouble bathing. I found myself jumping out of the way of the water I was supposed to be pouring on myself. I can only apologise to those who had to smell me!

We had to walk across the little 'courtyard' to get to our toilet, which consisted of a hole in a little room, with a make shift toilet seat over the top! Now I must say that after using said toilet seat I gave so much respect to toilet seat engineers! The curvature on a toilet seat allows a perfect aim (which as you will see I needed later on in this story!) The make shift toilet seat box certainly was not allowing optimum aim!

Right, after that lengthy scene setting I should get on with the story. I was riding in a car with my good friend Olee, our good friend Evelyn and another Ghanaian who was recently over from London. He decided to buy Adode (oyster kebab) for all of us. After mentioning that Adode looked disgusting, I felt a little guilty as it seemed I had offended people I decided to have a bit. (I was right it was disgusting) Anyway after eating a couple of bits, I handed the rest of mine over to evelyn. Olee had diplomatically spat his out of the window.

Flashforward 6 hours! Olee and I were in the village and organising a big game of frisby! It was going to be a lot of fun until after my first fling of the disc my stomach had an angry word with me! I gave my apologies and headed back to the house. In fact I headed directly to the hole we called a toilet.

No a warning to all, this story is only for strong eyes (and noses)

I consequently spent the next to hours in and out of the toilet. I did not know which end to put over the toilet as I had the most violent sickness I have ever had. (This is when I realised it was impossible to aim through the box! It is also where I finally perfected my crouching technique!

In the end I could not get back to the room so I just sat on the step of the toilet (which i had drenched with sweat) in my boxers, half delirious, and listened to Olee and Romeo deliberate as to whether the should take me to hospital or not.

They decided it was a good idea and they sent for a car to come and get me. At this point they seemed to forget my clothes and I ended up in Sogakope District Hospital foyet with a towel and boxers to hide my modesty! I can not remember an awful lot from this period. I remember stepping on some scales which were clearly broken (the needle coming to an abrupt halt)

I also remember refusing all treatment because my delirious self was very paranoid of the risks of needles. Now I know this was silly, but I really was a bit mental at the point. I also did not want to be attached to a drip when rushing to the toilet!

I then remember Olee and Romeo bringing food to the room! Oh goodness, that made me feel like crap!

Anyway, after a night with no treatment, plenty of water, and with romeo sleeping in the hospital to make sure I was ok. (the guy truely is a great and caring man!) I was better the next morning. (but a little weak)

What lessons did I learn from this event? Well, I didnt eat Adode again (although I was labelled Adode Man for some time) Eating Oyster and Kebab in the same mouthful is really not a wise choice. But i still like trying new foods and risking street food. But in all these years I have never experienced anything like that again!

I hope you all enjoyed your Christmas dinners!!! euugh

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

End of my Ghana experience for 2010!

Well Christmas is over and I am sat in London in the cold enjoying fast internet access! I must admit I was expecting it to be much colder back here in the UK as I was taking a 40 degree cut essentially, but I have actually quite enjoyed the cold. I have been a little bit like an old woman and used a hot water bottle to heat up the bed, but I hope I can be forgiven that!

The last couple of days were a little stressful before my trip home but (after another big night out the night before I travelled back) Friday morning was quite smooth running. I managed to wake up in time, finish my packing, catch a taxi to the airport and check in successfully. Immigration went smoothly and I sat their early waiting for my hangover to kick in properly.

The only complain I have from my couple of hours in the airport is that one of the Virgin staff told me I looked CHINESE in my passport picture. Now, for those of you that have not seen me in a long time, I am still a very white Englishman! I will not lower myself to describing a stereotypically China man, but I am certainly not one (and I was not even wearing on of those funny hats!!) Anyway after asking a few more Virgin staff they agreed I looked chinese! I was not at all happy!

The next problem only raised it annoying and frustrating little head when we had taken off and were cruising to our cruising height! My TV (as well as the whole back of economy) did not work! Great a whole 7 hour trip without the nice movies that I was looking forward to. I have to give credit to the air hosts though. They sang some christmas songs and gave us champagne, but still, it was quite a tedious flight.

One coincidence was that I ended up sitting next to someone that I kind of know. This seems to happen in Ghana so many times, you sit on a tro tro, or restaurant, use the toilet, end up in hospital etc etc and you end up bumping into someone you know, or that knows people you know. When I lived in North London, I used to shop in a little Ghanaian shop in Burnt Oak, and this lady is the owner. We had an amusing conversation and she told me she would sort me out with a good woman! (Everyone is a pimp in Ghana!)

Anyway I returned safely without losing my bags or anything and got back through minus 5 UK countryside to my house for pickled onions and cheese.

I will not describe my Christmas, as it will get a little boring for everyone. Rest assured it had its fair share of drink, food and family arguments. I must admit its a little strange being back here after 6 months, I have to learn how to behave here again!!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Frustration and and a kick in the balls!

By now, living in GH, I should be used to frustrations, but somehow they always seem to bring me down! Yesterday was one such day where a day of frustration did not culminate in what I hoped for and a bad mood ensued! I was asked to come and shoot the Euro League Soccer Show (sponsored by techno phone!) which is did. (in fact I have just watched it, I was quite pleased with me, but the production was a bit dodgy!)

After the show I realised that the pay I was receiving for all my hard work and time used in order to be a guest on these shows was not really enough to cover my expenses! After waiting around all day after the show,  I only received half of the money I was due. Money is really quite short right now, and I am really hoping for some luck next year, and that things will start to take off for me. I was kind of relying on this money to take me through to christmas and help me out with buying a few presents. It seems I will have to find another way? (Sell my soul? My Body? or my assets?)

Anyway was a nice evening spent kind of cooking and eating with my housemates here. I tried very had to get over my bad mood and then ended up having a long long conversation with a good friend from home. Which helped a lot (thanks u)

Today was less eventful. I went to visit a school that I know some of the teachers and children and wish them a happy Christmas. I then got my hair cut and came home.

As per usual, I had at least one broken appointment in the day. I am being a little harsh on the person but we were kind of supposed to meet for dinner and it was then cancelled or postponed. (this is very normal!, and very frustrating!) (but I will let this particular individual off because it was not they're fault at all!!)

On the way home I decided to take a trotro (dodgy minibus) due to lack of funds. It was busy, and so it was a fight to get a seat. Normally I am quite relaxed and just wait patiently while everyone else fights over seats. But today I was a little impatient, hot and sweaty. (also my head was hurting from the guy combing my very short hair!!) So I raced along the pavement, fighting my way to the front of the queue! As i jubilated about my unfit and slow self winning the race the door of the trotro opened ready to let passengers off and me on (first!). The first lady from the front seat swung round to alight from the trotro. As her foot swung up, it hit my square in the balls! All the air was removed from my lungs! She said a quick sorry, but I (a true trotro pro!) was still intent on getting the first seat inside and therefore securing my journey home. Once I clambered in and sat down the pain hit me. All I could do was sit quietly and wait for the dull ache to finally fade away!

Anyway now I am home and that is but a distant memory! The girls may be laughing right now, but the guys will be at least a little sympathetic to my plight!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Not again!

As I sit here on my bed, after a plate of chips, I wait to see whether my stomach is going to give up on me again and have me running out of my door to make it to the toilet! Yes guys once again my used to be strong stomach has decided to show my weaknesses by emptying itself at any given opportunity. I really have no idea what I have eaten but some have suggested it was the 8 shots of Mandingo I had last night. (I am not so sure, how can alcohol be bad for you?)

Yesterday was a cool day. Made my GTV appearance (got spoken over by the other guest which was highly irritating)  then went to Sogakope Secondary schools launching event for their Golden Jubilee year and then came home in order to go out with the guys in the house.

Incidentally, for those of you who don't know, Sogakope is a town in the Volta Region where I spend a lot of time. I know a lot of the teachers and the kids and I always try and get along to support their events. It is a great school and churns out a lot of very good academics in Ghana.

The night was fun, and we watched the Obronis (A typical western wedding band) had a few more drinks (after the mandingo) and then went on to a little club near by. Had a bit of a boogy (danced with a professional dancer, which probably showed up my dancing inabilities!) and then came home at around 3:30.

I woke in the middle of the night realising I had spilt a whole sachet of water all over my bed! The aircon made it freezing and I had to find a little strip at the end of my bed to squeeze into! I must have looked like a prize Idiot. Everytime I rolled over I jumped out of my skin because of the damn cold water. Annoyingly whilst just ironing my bed (yes ironing my bed!how wierd!) I have burnt my arm! (that is why i should never have to use an iron!)

I have also been pondering the comment from an occasional reader of this blog. They have told me that it is quite boring! For those that I am boring, I am extremely apologetic and I will try my best to liven it up a little bit! Any controversial topics you would like me to talk about?

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Saturday is here again! And what have I achieved?

Well Saturday has reached us and I am taking a few minutes out from my research into Manchester City and West Ham for the GTV live game this afternoon to write a little. Although there is not an awful lot to write about.

After returning from Cape Coast yesterday (in an air conditioned bus which turned off the aircon half wa through the journey!) I decided to rest. That rest turned into showering and going out!

I caught up with a couple of friends and my tired state made it quite difficult to sip down the first beer. I just about managed to get it down me, and couldn't really go any further. After trying in quite a lackluster manner to keep up with the conversation we decided to move on from Epo spot to an event at the conference centre. It was quite expensive to enter but these days I seem to be walking with the right groups. I am not sure how it happened but we were all given passes and I entered in without hassle.

I took a couple of free sample drinks. And then went in to watch the event. I must say it was a really good event put on by Joy FM. Most of the major stars were there and a few of them got up and played with a live band. One girl, Afia, was tremendously talented! (i think i fell in love a little bit! (just a little bit dont worry!))

In one of the earliest nights out I have had in the last few months at 2 o clock I was back in the room and hitting my pillow. Maybe it was fortunate because I had forgotten that today I had a show. My voice is only half there so I hope it holds out. Should be fun!

Ciao all!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

300 views!

Well, I am at 300 views..it may be a small landmark to some bloggers but for me i'm quite chuffed! If you do happen to be reading please give me a comment or two to let me know how i'm doing or if there is anything Ghana related that you would like to know!(im not an expert but I will certainly have an opinion!)

The last couple of days I have been down in Cape Coast. As I said I got a little fed up in Accra and I though it was about time I got away. I really can't believe that in the past five and a half months I have hardly travelled around Ghana. Next year I will certainly get myself up to the North (and see an elephant or too!)

Anyway, what has happened in the last couple of days? Not an awful lot really. I spent time with a couple of good friends here and enjoyed some nice home cooking! I have really missed home cooking. Fried rice and chop bar food is really getting a little tedious! Had some yam, rice, palava, tomato stew. As well as a nice coconut curry from the beach side.

I have spent a little time by the sea, which has always been nice. I am thinking of growing some dreads and becoming a bit of a rasta surf man! Really loving the beach right now! Especially when I know that home is covered in Ice.

I also spent some time in a friends school. Ended up marking English exams with my clearly useless teaching skills! I found I'm quite a generous marker to begin with and then when I get bored I get a little more harsh! I also tried my luck as a motivational speaker! Although I was quite negative in my speech, pointing out some of the misgivings of the Jhs 3's English. But the power of the celebrity worked as many of the students (and teachers) had seen me on GTV the previous Saturday! (oh how it is to be a minor celeb!)

This is a pretty boring post. The only controversial thing to happen was a minor disagreement with a man on a tro tro! I only found out at the end of the journey that the man had a problem with his legs and that is why I had to squeeze past him in to my chair. But my major problem with him was that he put hid dirty dirty hand on my shorts, which I then pointed out to him. He was not best pleased and when I told him I am looking for money rather then women (is this true?) the conversation continued to go down hill! It took the ultimate plunge when I told him that I was not interested in learning Twi or Fante and that I only wanted to know Ewe Language. He then decided it was not a good idea for me to be in the central region. But never mind! I am going home tomorrow so I will be out of the hair of this honorary keeper of the land! (I think we left it on better terms though, so no need to watch my back just yet!)

anyway I am out to go and wipe the sweat from my brow.

Look forward to hearing from some of you!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

From city to city!

Well unfortunately today has not been anything to write home about (quite literally). I woke up with total lack of motivation, which has been becoming worryingly more common in the last week.

Fortunately I was able to pick myself up to do a little work and send a few emails. I was expecting the call to come from the guy I was supposed to meet yesterday but he clearly is not serious about his project! And there for me and my guys are also not interested!

After eating some banku I decided that this boring state I find myself in needs to be remedied by traveling out of Accra. I had two choices. Sogakope, who have been calling for me to come, or Cape Coast, in which I have a couple of friends I havent seen for a while.

I chose Cape Coast (sorry Sogakope people I will see you all soon!) So now I am here in Cape Coast. It was a long and slow journet along a road that was supposed to be fast. We got stuck behind every damn lorry and slow moving car we could have done. And just when we passed them, the driver decided to get fuel and they all passed us back. I did though have a new experience today. After getting used to my air conditioned room (how luxurious!) I decided to take an air conditioned tro tro for just 1 cedi 50 peshuas extra. It was quite a god idea because of the traffic we got caught in. So maybe I will take A/C buses more often. Although I did kind of miss the hustle and bustle character of the classic tro tro. No goats under my feet or smelly arm pits resting on my shoulders!

I apologise for this rather unentertaining blog but I am sure tomorrow will be quite interesting with some Cape Coast life to discuss!!