Ghana's English Football Pundit

It has been a year at least since I last posted here. Since then I have not been in Ghana and Switzerland does not throw up quite so many interesting stories. (Although I did see a fight last night between two disappointed Spanish fans!)

As it is world cup time I thought it appropriate to post one of my attempts to be a football pundit. I believe this was for the Manchester City vs Newcastle game a couple of seasons ago. How do I rate compared to Phil Neville!

Singing Christmas trees and Santa's evil sidekick!

Just me in day to day attire!

I currently feel like I am living in a Christmas card. All I need is a little Robin Red Breast to be following me around, sitting on snow filled tree branches. There is a certain romance attached to snow Decembers, and I must say that in Zurich, the snow has made it beautiful.

Unlike the UK, the snow has not caused too much trouble. One or two trains have been delayed a little, but the busses, trams and cars are still flying around the city. The drivers here seem to have not noticed the snow at all, zooming around, accelerating around corners, breaking hard at Zebra crossings. (Not quite Ghana driving, but it doesn't fill me with the upmost of confidence!) (Although, I am yet to start an accident count here!)

The last few weeks has been quite nice. I have been attempting to learn German. I am in a German class surrounded by Spanish speakers. (and one Turkish speaker) An interesting group of international people, in Switzerland with their spouses, or looking for work. I have joined the ranks of job searchers here, looking for something to tide me over whilst marketing Yevu Volunteers. (Still looking for writing jobs, so if you need something written, definitely contact me!) (www.yevuvolunteers.com if you want to volunteer)

Me and SamiChlaus

With Christmas on the horizon, I have had a chance to sample a few different traditions here. On the 6th of December, it is St Nicholas day. This is the day where Swiss people attempt to mentally scar their children for the rest of their lives. They invite a guy called Schmutzli (a friend of Santa Clause (or Samichlaus)) into their houses. He has a list, given to him by Santa, of bad things the children have done over the year. The child must greet Schmutzli politely, say a poem to him, and then hope that he doesn't pack them away in his sack. If they are lucky and not taken away in his large sack, they may receive a gift. If I ever have a child, I must scare him (or her) in this manner. I must also be prepared that I may be paying for psychological care for that child for some time after. (see below for a picture of Schmutzli and Samichlaus)

I met Samichlaus and Schmutzli in the city just before seeing a Christmas tree stage filled up with a church choir. The snow was falling whilst the choir serenaded us. Unfortunately, the robin was no where to be seen, or else it could have been the perfect winter moment.

The snow also enables other kinds of fun. From eating hot soup (homemade and not Heinz!) on the balcony to hurtling down a mountain/hill on a sledge. It may seem like pure joyful fun, (and it is fun) but it is certainly not always joyful. With two on a wooden sledge, when you hit the icy patches you scorch down the curvy (sometimes perilous) track, at a considerable speed. The only thing to stop you smashing into other sledders (many of them kids) is your feet. Either by digging them into the ice to change direction, or slamming them into the back of whoever is in your way. (The second method is far easier!) I came out of it safely though, with only a bruised bottom for my troubles. A small price to pay, for a lot of fun!

Me and a usually blacked up Schmutzli!

A singing Christmas tree, of course!

Bouncing from Ghana, to the UK, to Switzerland is not a smooth ride. There are certain culture shocks that hit you every time. Whilst moving back to the UK came with certain difficulties, spending time in Zurich has not always been smooth riding either. I am the uncouth Englishman here, with slightly worse eating habits, and bathroom habits that the Swiss appear to turn their nose up at. (so to speak!) I am getting to grips with the culture, (although something will definitely not change) and through my German lessons, I hope to be in a position to one day apply for the job of Santa's scary arse helper Schmutzli!

Volunteer with Yevu Volunteers

It is time to put my money where my mouth is! (well when I say money, I mean small change) I have written my series of blogs on Projects Abroad and their inequities and now I need to prove that I can run a volunteer service, in Ghana, of better quality and more affordable!

My first time to Ghana was a volunteer, and since then, 10 years ago, I haven't spent long out of Ghana. ( I should put up a blog about this specifically) It was not the most organised trip, but I was thrown in head first with my friend Olee, and we had no choice but to get on with it, essentially organising our own trip on the go. I had a great time, and whilst showing many volunteers around Ghana over the years, I have used those experiences to induct newbies into how to live in Ghana, and make the most of it! (And have a lot of fun!)

Yevu Volunteers has been in the offing for years! I don't think there are many people around me who have not heard me talk about this idea. Over the years, I have picked up and put down the idea with various helpers, but things have come up for me and for them, and the idea had to take a back foot. Now, Yevu Volunteers is finally ready to open its doors so people can come and volunteer in Ghana.

The new site, www.yevuvolunteers.com, created by my good friend Alex Ojo (Thanks for the help mate) has now finally gone live and is ready for you to check out.

We aim to open up opportunities for any one looking to volunteer in Africa. We have Sports Coaching Projects, Business Placements and Journalism and Media placements ready for you to come and volunteer and intern in. We also want to give the volunteer the opportunity to create his or her own volunteer project in Ghana.

The volunteer will tell us their skills, interests and ideas so we can work with them to create their perfect project. It really doesn't matter what the volunteer has to offer, we can create an interesting placement out of it. From dancers and artists to boxers and seamstresses there are volunteer opportunities for everyone.

For those of you asking, "How do I volunteer?" or "Where do I volunteer?" Yevu Volunteers is ideal for you. We have projects in the capital city Accra and in villages in the Volta region, places for the volunteer to stay and food for the volunteer to eat! There will of course be support on hand to make sure every volunteer is safe and happy throughout their stay in Ghana.

So, all my loyal readers, (sorry I haven't created many chuckles in this post!) please spread the word and get www.yevuvolunteers.com out to as many people as you can. @yevuvolunteers will also be tweeting so please do give us a follow!

Yevu in Ghana in Zurich

I am back in Zurich after 9 months away. The last time I was here it was cold and snowy, this time the sun has yet to fly away and only a little rain has graced the city. This time I had to find my way across the city alone. As a professional at getting lost, this was rather daunting, but I only spent 10 minutes confused. (fortunately!) I really like this city, of course the company has helped extraordinarily (reunited with my estranged girlfriend!) (it is time this estranged girl of mine recieves a blog name, she is Christened Baked Beans!) (this may change after she reads this!) but the atmosphere here is also great.

People seem a little more open here than the UK. It is no where near as open as Ghana, but a polite Gruezi (hello) is often offered and the checkout people in the supermarkets are always extremely polite and courteous. One thing that is apparent is that a lot of people here can speak English. It is rather embarrassing to be a classic British language snob. At school I took both French and German classes, but if you ask me to get by in either languages I am going to have a problem. Like a true language snob, I thought the best way to combat this language issue is to avoid all possible situations of conversations! (This is not as easy as I thought)

Hunger struck, and it was time to go to the supermarket. I decided on a simple tomato and sausage sandwich. I went and picked up the ingredients (bread, tomato and sausage!) and head to the checkout, confident that I would only need to say hello and thank you! (Wrong! of course!) I said hello, all was going well, the bread and the sausage went through smoothly. But then, the tomatoes! The young lady turned and spoke to me...I stood speechless and clueless...I told her i don't understand (in English). She then replied (in perfect English) that I had forgotten to weight the tomatoes! Damn it! Not only had I failed in my conversation-less mission but I had stood and looked like a typical Brit! (incidentally, the Tomato and sausage sandwich was very nice! but I forgot to buy butter!)

I continued with my mission of avoiding conversation, but on a stroll into the city centre it seemed that I was a magnet for potential conversationalists! I was just walking, minding my own business but I was apprehended by a middle age lady pushing a pram. Of course I had to just throw my hands up and apologise for my lack of German. She chuckled and continued on her way! Whilst waiting at the mainstation I was then approached by an old man and beggar both expecting me to understand them. I seem to be a beacon for German speakers to ask questions. I was finally approached by a lady who asked me if I spoke English...I enthusiastically told her "yes!" but then realised this meant I had to answer tourist questions! I pretended I knew where she should go and directed her to what I thought was main shopping street. I am pretty sure she didn`t trust my advice! All in all this trip has been a disaster where language is involved!

Sitting on trams and standing waiting for an occassionally late Baked Beans (someone jumped infront of a train:good excuse) has given me a great opportunity to people watch. I have seen some spamish people arguing at the back of a tram (Rodrigeuz seemed to have committed an offence!) A girl (who would have been quite attractive) who seemed to have made herself up to look like a doll and a road cleaner who was using what can only be described as a witches broom! (I was half expecting him to fly off) I have no idea if a witches broom is the infashion tool of a road sweeper but I hope it is! I also had the privilege of seeing an invention worthy of the Dragons Den. The suitcase scooter! (Does exactly what it says on the tin!)

I was fortunate enough to join Baked Beans to a press conference of an Eastern European short film festival. I was interested to see the conference, but was pretty sure I may be bamboozled by language again. The first 20 minutes was rather bamboozling, but then we were able to watch the movies. I must admit, I really enjoyed them all. I have never really indulged in short films or other alternative arts.(Zurich is really shoing up my cultural inadequacies) The movies covered so many topics, from the war in Kosovo, the helplessness of homelessness to the social status of workers. Really thought provoking!

PS- Any typing errors are due to this Geman Keyboard (language foils me again!)

So far it has been great here. Baked Beans housemates have been extremely welcoming and it is a pleasure to finally spend some quality time with Baked Beans! (Not on a baked potato with cheese!) I have a flight booked to fly back to the UK which I am not tempted by at all. Will I be late to that flight? Quite possibly!

African Inside

I have been trying to think of something to blog about, but being in England currently I do not get myself involved in many interesting story telling opportunities. Whilst here, I live with my parents in the middle of nowhere surrounded by trees, fields and the occasional cow. The only notable event in the area is when 40,000 Ahmadiyya muslims congregate for a summer weekend in the farm next door for their annual Jalsa Salana.  (They don't cause too much trouble, just a little noise!) (It is also interesting because i get to stare at my own house on their TV coverage! Essentially stalking myself!)


However, last weekend, I was able to do something Ghanaian orientated. It was Ghana party in the park in south London. (It was supposed to be in North London, but they changed the venue less than a week before it was to take place) So, I drove my way up to Morden Hall Park to help a good friend, (the world(ish) famous PM) with his new venture. He had a stall for the new 'African Inside' t shirts! I was fairly fortunate that when I turned up, most of the setting up had been taken care of. The t shirts neatly arranged, the DJ Decks up and running and ice kenkey ready to be devoured. (well almost ready) My only task to begin with was to collect the ice, for the ice kenkey! A critical ingredient!

The event started pretty slowly, the mainstage was quiet, so thankfully PM fired up the decks and entertained the slowly increasing number of people. Before we knew it we had a fully functioning Azonto competition going on in front of us. (The winner of course got an African Inside t shirts.) Swiftly everyone inside the park was rammed around our stall watching the competition unfold. The mainstage had initially failed. All they could do was offer their own dance competition to entice the crowds.

It was in the on stage dance competition/battle that I saw one of the best azonto battle moves I have seen. It will be hard to explain this to create a picture but I will try. After one young man had finished his part of the battle his opponent started his attack. He danced over to the guy, in an Azonto fashion, and proceeded to pretend to cut the other guys penis off (in an Azonto fashion) dice it up in his palm (in an Azonto fashion) and feed it to his opponent(in....an Azonto fashion) What a fantastic move, I can hardly even twist my leg (in an Azonto Fashion!)

All, in all it was a successful day for the African Inside team! Ghana party in the park got a lot busier (people turned up very late of course!) and seemed to have a good time.

So this was pretty much my only taste of Ghana since I have been back. Apart from spending some time at the Rainbow Radio studios.

Buy African Inside t-shirts at www.theonlypm.com

There has been something I have been meaning to blog. But it does not take up enough space to be a whole blog. A while ago I wrote a blog entitled 'How to pick up a white woman in Ghana (The instruction Manual)'. This has been by far the most searched blog I have written. I am able to keep track of what people read and where people are reading from. I am also able to see some of the google searches that lead people to the blog.

'Mandingo' used to be one of the main searches that lead people to my blog. Obviously, 'Ghana' and 'Projects Abroad' searches have also given me some traffic. Rather disturbingly, there have been quite a few 'Crying prostitute' or 'have you made a prostitute cry' searches! Recently, there have been so many 'white women in ghana' searches of so many varieties. It seems like every day someone is searching 'where do I find white woman in ghana?' or 'how do i get a white woman in Ghana?' or 'rasta words white women tourists'!

I think I underestimated the amount of guys in Ghana trying to procure their own white woman! I wonder if they saw it as a tongue in cheek expose´ or an actual  guide book!

Yevu In UK (Summertime!)

A few weeks ago I became Yevu in UK, rather than Yevu in Ghana, as I set out on my way back home to take in some Olympic spirit. The last couple of months in Ghana had been a little torrid. Another tense situation regarding accommodation (brought on by a blog no less!) and swiftly diminishing funds had taken their toll somewhat.

After a nice evening with Olgasm and Joshua, who kindly delivered put me up on my last night and delivered me to the airport, I was on my way through immigration and to my (fortunately upgraded) flight home on Virgin Atlantic. (Incidentally, it was the nicest flight I have had. Champagne and leather seats!)

I reached London, and enjoyed being filmed by Chinese media coming out of departures. Olympic fever had started and I, for a split second, could pretend I was an olympian! (A chinese one!) I had one day home, trying to reacclimatise, before the other half of my distance relationship turned up for a few weeks. (I won't go into the difficulties of being with someone in a different continent, but it was great to finally see her again!)

This was to be my first British summer in 3 years and I was really looking forward to it. If the weather happened to be rainy and cold, I was ready and prepared to have a long awaited rest bite from the sun! There was a little rain, but the sun did come out to greet us on a number of occasions on my first few days back.

I don't know if its me getting old, but I did notice one thing in the sun which was a little disturbing. I was walking around in Farnham, and I couldn't help notice that young girls seem to be wearing hardly any clothes! Girls of no more the 13 walking around in the shortest of shorts and little tops. Of course I was not looking too closely, but it is hard not to notice. I can't believe their parents allow them to go out like this. Anyway, enough of my old man talk!

The next thing I noticed (this time about myself!) is that I seemed to have lost the ability to small talk! I found it increasingly difficult to be interested in little conversations with friends and family, and also found it difficult to actually believe they were interested in what I had to say. I think (hope) I am getting back in to the swing of being able to communicate her again, but for a while I just couldn't get into a conversation. At the wedding of my dear friends Luke and Natalie, I spent half the time (probably more than half the time) clueless as to how to enter the conversation! It was quite embarrassing actually, siting and listening and hoping to find a way in, but nothing came out. Not wit, no jokes, not even something sensible! Have I really become one of those boring guys that sits in the corner with no beneficial input!

I have a theory on this, which I have discussed with a couple of friends in Ghana. Most conversations in Ghana seem to be either gossip related, complaining, or both. The longer you live there (annoyingly) the more you complain about things. If you personally don't have anything to complain about, you can be sure that the other person you are talking about will do. It may be a personal problem, a problem of somebody else, a problem with somebody else, the sun, the rain, the food, money, girls, boys, etc etc etc. There is always something to gossip or complain about. This ends up as a cauldron of negativity and any other types of conversation are quickly eradicated! I am pretty sure this is why I have had a little problem fitting back in to conversational Britain!

Another (disastrous) incident that has occurred since being back was a small, but destructive, prang in my car. I happened to go into the back of someone else's car. whilst her car seemedly only had a few scratches, mine was a little crumpled to say the least. This meant the end to my little Corsa, that has served me and others well over recent years. It has been a wedding car, a removal van, airport taxi and still drove around very well. But without it I was stuck at home (with my on holiday Girlfriend) and unable to get to London or travel around. Thankfully, my mother offered her car for us to get around in. (Although I am still a little guilty for taking her mode of transport!) But, no car definitely inhibits me and future trips back to UK, or even staying in the UK a little longer!

But, I was able to watch a large part of the London Olympics. It was great to be here through such a marvelous event! I was hoping to cover it for one of the Ghanaian networks, but unfortunately after agreeing it was a good idea, I didn't hear from them again! Regardless though it was a brilliant performance by the athletes and the country as a whole to make the London Olympics a very special affair! I wish that I was 10 years younger so that I could have been inspired to take up a sport seriously! I was able to get down to Trafalgar Square to watch the mens marathon. It was great to see so many people from so many nationalities out cheering everyone along. In fact those that were furthest behind got the loudest cheer. At the end when one athlete, from Lesotho, strolled past, obviously completely exhausted, he got loud cheers of encouragement in the final stages of the marathon! Was really wonderful to see all the different nationalities getting together, taking pictures together and getting along brilliantly! Multi Cultural Britain at its best!

Anyway, now I have to make some big decisions. Yevu in Ghana, or Yevu in UK? I have had a lot of input from friends and family in the UK and Ghana, but it is certainly a difficult decision to make. It isn't so easy to get a job in the UK, and I still have some unfinished business in Ghana. So, do I start a new adventure, or continue with the old one?

(open to suggestions, ideas and JOB OFFERS!)

@yevucee

Ghana Youth Journalism

So, recently, I have not really had much to write about. I have been going about slowly trying to set up an number of projects. Some of them a little secret, (from a few people) and others like pepper farming and pig rearing! (pig rearing sounds filthy!) So, in this little break of uninteresting times I will take the opportunity to promote a new initiative I am running. 

Last year I have the privilege to set up a journalism workshop at Accra high school. It was one of the few things I was able to do for Projects Abroad which was worthwhile. Unfortunately, when they decided to let me go they did not live up to the promise to keep the workshop going. It was a real shame that they couldn't because my journalism volunteers and I had put a lot of work in setting up and running this successful program. 

Anyway, to cut a long story short (and to keep a short blog short) I decided to go back and take it on myself. Not having the support of other volunteers has meant that I have had to change the direction of the workshop slightly. The members of the journalism club, rather than learning how to be journalists, and attempting to practice it. (With me as an editor) Hopefully, with practice, and a little guidance their journalism and writing skills will continue to improve and some of them can form a new age of journalism in Ghana. 

So I am directing (and inviting) you to www.ghanayouthjournalism.blogspot.com to check out the first article written by Gloria Emeka on the Death Penalty. I would appreciate any comments for the students, or myself, with regards to this project. 

(Twitter: @yevucee)

A football blog (kind of!)

Many people in Ghana know me for my football analysis on various shows, but I hardly seem to get out there and write articles about sport. (there is just too much other fun stuff to write about, like getting threatened!) I try my best to get some of my footballing opinions out on twitter ( I have not got many followers, and don't feel comfortable begging for follower...afterall...i am not God...right?) You can follow me if you want though @yevucee) but on Saturday, the day of the Champions league final, MTN kindly f*cked up. This meant that I could not give my opinions, and not involve myself in any of the online banter for and against Chelsea!

So to make up for it, I will write my own football blog, but of course with a slight difference. I could give my full opinion on the game and say that Bayern Munich played better, but that after all the Chelsea have done in the previous rounds verses Napoli and Barcelona, that it was on the cards that they would win. Or I could say that Roberto Di Matteo deserves to take the job for next season (or get a huge huge bonus) for what he achieved this season, but this analysis has been written and said all over the world a thousand times.( My voice would be like a whisper in a mega phone factory) So I will simply write about my experience watching the game in Ghana.

For those of you that don't know, Chelsea are very well supported in Ghana, due to Essien, Drogba and a host of other African stars at the club. This season, until the FA cup final, the Chelsea fans here have been rather subdued. (it is likely some of them have tried to switch allegiance) In the space of two weeks they are back, and almost back to being as obnoxious as the Manchester United fans here.

With my father as a Chelsea fan and due to our rather competitive relationship, I have never been the biggest fan of them. (I am a Gooner!) I went in search of a place to watch the game as a total neutral. My main interest was to see another exciting game to end of a fantastic season. The first place I went had the game on, but no sound. I endured watching the waiter try and try and try to fiddle with the cables in order to bring the sound. It became obvious very swiftly that this fiddling was certainly not doing any good. So as soon as half time came I ran to find another spot, with sound. I found one, and took a seat, which I realised may belong to one of the football fans arguing outside. I was fully prepared to move when the guy came back, but when he did he just stood there and complained to the guy behind me that I was in his chair. I got up and explained to him that he only need to be polite, which caused an almost argument, so I backed down and got on with watching the game. (from a standing position, but with my beer!)

The first thing I noticed, was the guy in the Arsenal shirt. He was shouting about something. I quickly tuned into him to see what the discussion was about.  He was bragging about how Robin Van Persie was the top scorer in the premier league. Now, I am an Arsenal fan, as I mentioned, and I am fairly satisfied with the season, but I am certainly not going to brag about a guy that could be leaving the club at any moment. Also, I am certainly not going to brag in front of the fans from a club that have lifted the FA cup and are in the Champions League final. (Even if they were utter shite in the league!) The arguments fans have here are amazing! They will argue for their team even if they are completely and utterly wrong. I am sure that if there actually happened to be a Bolton fan here, they would still argue that Bolton was better than Manchester United because one of their players miraculously survived a life threatening condition! (Jokes aside, Muamba has given us all an amazing lesson that we all need to check out health regularly)

I then zoned out of this argument, and settled down to enjoy the commentary, that I had missed in the first half. Then we got to the point where Chelsea equalised to push the game towards extra time. I had, until this moment, been rather enjoying the game. Three seconds before the Chelsea equaliser, this young guy in the front stood up and shouted "goooaalllllll yeeeahhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooo". I was thinking that the guy was a lunatic. Usually, as a cross goes in, or if the ball gets slightly close to the goal, someone will shout "Goal" but this was really taking the piss! Then Three seconds later it dawned on me! This guy has been listening to the coverage on the radio! He new what was going to happen before the rest of us! This was going to completely spoil the excitement of the Champions League final., especially when it came to the penalty shoot out.

Penalty shoot outs are certainly a cruel necessity at the end of such a big occasion. Regardless of how cruel they are, they are terrible exciting to watch. Seeing who will mess up, and the agony on everyones faces is brilliant. The excitement is fully and completely ruined with a guy at the front, cheering when Chelsea Score and when Bayern Miss. He then seemed to look proud that he knew before everyone else. Because of this guy, I had to do the unthinkable, I had to choose a German side as the team I wanted to win. I had to do this, because if Bayern Munich scored, we was not going to announce it by screaming and shouting and then it would genuinely be a surprise!

Anyway, the game finished, Chelsea won (surprisingly) and everyone wen wild. (Apart from the Arsenal fan) I did not go wild because the above guy had pissed me off. I remained calm to such an extent that a group of English guys (who were United fans) thought that I was German! After watching the champagne get popped, and grown men using there phones to film the big screen, I decided to move on to meet some friends. (or try and meet some friends as I could not call anyone because MTN is useless!)

Walking out I had to watch my step as mopeds and cars were speeding around with their Chelsea flags as if Ghana had just won the world cup! I was then reminded of another reason why I was a little downhearted whilst watching the game. As I walked along I passed a guy who asked "why? you were not analysing tonight?" It is nice to be recognised, but I really wanted to work on the Champions league final show. I will never be able to play it, so to play a role on a live TV show. Maybe, next year, I can finally get on the final show!

The rest of the night was very non football related. Met up with some friends. Had a couple of beers. had a bit of a dance. Was threatened with a beating or a murder by Marvin the crack addict street boy. and then came home at 4 in the morning. Bulk standard night really!

Ghana Inductions

I thought that it is about time that I use this blog to promote something that I am doing. I have a thousand and one plans in Ghana that I am trying to put into action (leading to a very jumbled brain and probably not maximum productivity)

So, here goes! I am going to offer people who are new to Ghana inductions into Ghana. When you first come to Ghana to it can be difficult to get to grips with all the cultural differences. This can even be the case if you happen to be a Ghanaian who has lived over seas for sometime. The culture shock can be quite overwhelming.

It is important to know where to go, who to talk to, how to talk to people, what to eat, where to eat, how to travel round the city, how to bargain etc etc etc. It is also nice to learn from another foreigners example. The Ghanaians I have seen show people around, try hard to give people the tips and advice, but it is not the same as being shown the ropes by someone who was a newbie in Ghana before.

It is all very well showing inductees how to eat Ghanaian food and where the internet cafe and super market is, but as a foreigner in Ghana there is a certain way we must behave and communicate with others here to make sure we get the most out of our stay.  The best way to get this information is to follow someone who is in the same situation and learn from their actions.

It is also important to note that there are a few safety issues in Ghana. As a foreigner, and perceived to be richer, we can be a target for thieves, pick pockets, scammers, taxi drivers looking to cheat us, and all sorts of people looking to cash in, in one way or another. It is necessary to learn about who to talk to and where to go and other little safety tips and I have the experience to be able to advise on the best way to be safe in Ghana.

And that, is exactly what I am doing. So if you happen to be a new comer to Ghana, or know someone that is coming that may need a little help please give me a call and I will have happy to show you around. Travel on public transport and food are all included in the cost and I assure you a fun trip around Accra.

I have tried to upload the flyer but seem to have some technical difficulties! If you are interested give me a call on 0548754477 or email me at Samuel_polley@hotmail.com

A poem from the past!

After my last post which reached 5 years into the past I remembered that I had indulged in a little poetry around the same time. It was just before I was forced to leave my abode and was having quite some trouble with the land lady there who was nothing short of crazy! She had spent 30 odd years serving the prime minister his tea at downing street that her mind may have been out for revenge on a poor unsuspecting English boy. Anyway, I wrote this piece in an angry 20 minutes. I think only two people have seen this before this posting. Not being a poetry fanatic I have no idea if it is any good! Anyway, try and enjoy! (oh, it doesn't seem to have a title?! will have to consider that!)

Every second, should be a special moment
That passes by almost unnoticed with each breath
During disruption, a moment becomes a season
A cold and rainy period, passion with an unbearable lack of speed

Inner angst rises to scorching temperatures
Which once ignited, is hard to quell
A nightly rest delays longer the troubles
And when the sun lifts from the horizon, the heat follows

This terrorism of the body and soul can destroy
The very ability to smile and enjoy daily events
Contentment seems a distant past
That hope can only drag from history

A battle will ensue in attempt to defeat the stubborn foe
Of unrest, to bring peace and settlement to the soul
First, the raging fir escapes uncontrollably
If failure is reached then even the seven seas will burn

With success, the oceans win out as compromise competes 
With disruption to encourage Joy and laughter back to the court
If time passes and friendly play is found then
The spring season of new beginnings can once again reign.

Yevu @55!

Five years ago in Ghana it was the eve of Ghana @ 50! I had brought my Ghana@50 shirt and I had been preparing to celebrate with the nation. I was excited to be here because my Grandfather had been over here around the time of independence. Five years ago today I got back from a club after allegedly having my drink spiked. (Others may think I was very drunk, but I am convinced that someone put something in my drink so I would pass out and they could take the Irish lass I was out with!)

The next morning my preparations for independence were spoilt as, after waking up on the bathroom floor, the situation in my house became untenable and I had no other choice but to leave poor Larissa in the house alone with another old lady in Ghana that didn't like me! (anyone see the pattern?) At this time I was fighting to finish my masters Degree at the University of Ghana and trying to gather together m final bits of research to finish my thesis. Ghana was experiencing a lot of electricity problems and everyone was bemoaning the ECG (Electricity Company Ghana) for its role in their misery. Every time the power went off (or there was a flood, or a robbery, or someone slipped over) Ghana would cry 'Ghana at 50 ooooo!)

Five years on what has changed. Well, it dawned on me surprisingly little. I would like to lie at this juncture and say things are completely different and that all those that were worried about me jumping ship and taking a risk in Ghana were so far wrong, but I should be honest and say that I am still on the mission to prove them wrong!

In actual fact accommodation issues still haunt me and I am currently an English refugee in a German house. (I am sure my parents are proud!) (Thanks once again Aunty!) Another similarity raised its head again today. I realised that, whilst on the phone to the University of Ghana, that my next opportunity to graduate from this f***ing masters degree will be this Saturday. Well, I handed my work in promptly again after waiting 5 years for them to pass it. That was three months ago! I was pretty certain that they would be able to manage the one hour it would take to check I have made the relevant corrections so that I could graduate this March. Of course I was a fool for thinking the Institute of African Studies, Legon could do anything promptly and until last week no one had even tried to check the work. Then they decided to give it to Dr Owusu Brempong, who is not my biggest fan, to mark it! I guess I could never graduate!

......IF ANY LAWYER WOULD LIKE TO GIVE ME SOME ADVICE TO IF I HAVE A CASE WITH THIS PLEASE CONTACT ME!!!!..........................................................................................

Anyway, apart from being a little fatter and having a little TV gig some may say I am in a fairly similar situation. (Although see here soon for the next projects which should change all that!!)

ECG is certainly still disturbing many Ghanaians and floods will come again in the rainy season. Next time I fall in a gutter or almost get run over I think I will join the chorus of 'Ghana at 55 oooo!'

Yevu in Zurich!

I have temporarily left the confines of Yevu in Ghana and I am back in Europe for (what I feel is) a well deserved break. It has been an interesting year with many ups and downs, many great times and many frustrating times and many stories both good and bad.  But for the purposes of this blog I will be Yevu in Switzerland.

I have had a great christmas and it has been nice seeing family, eating turkey and trimmings and playing games! I did not totally get away from Ghana as my good friend Romeo joined us for his first taste of an English Christmas. It was a delight to see him enjoy eating and drinking and winning at charades! After copious visits to family and friends to spread my festive cheer and celebrating the New Year with a group of close friends it was my time to head to Switzerland to visit Corina (To be known as Corona from now on (so many jokes about tasting good with lemon etc etc)) visit the mountains and visit cheese!

So off I flew on my cheap flight (by far the cheapest part of a trip to Zurich!) early in the morning excited by a friendly smile and cheese and grated potato! Then came my first, and only disappointment of the trip. I looked expectantly for sheets of white covering the land below and was greeted by what seemed to be a dull grey landscape! But as I said this was the only disappointment and far more beauty followed. After being met slightly late by the not so time conscious Corona, I saw my first Alpine Horn wrapped up in bubble wrap. ( I wasn't bold enough to ask the man i i could blow on his horn!)

I could write reams and reams about this visit but shall try to keep it as brief as possible. The first morning Corona and I hit the streets of Zurich with her nick-nameless friend Michelle. Rushing out we could not get breakfast but had some swiss cheese and bread on the way. After a quick stop for a non swiss tea at Starbucks and a very Turkish (but nice) kebab we strolled round the city centre. It really is a beautiful place but struck me as more like a rich village than a city. It is so quiet and relaxed, I can not remember ever going to an urban centre so quiet!

I also had the time for a little stag riding!

Then after finishing the remainder of the kebab we headed into a beautiful church and climbed the countless steps up towards the spire. I must say it was a beautiful view across the city ( I think I will be using the term beautiful quite a lot in the next few paragraphs) and of the lake and river. I saw cuckoo clocks, banks, the lake, river and generally quaint surroundings!

I will talk about the food in general. I understand completely the pride with which Swiss people talk about their cuisine! I tried as many different foods as i could. I hope the swiss will forgive me for forgetting some of the names. The Raclette, where you cook your own meat and melt your own cheese on the table in front of you was delicious as was the grated potato dish (Rosti) that I had been waiting to eat for 6 months! (I was not disappointed!) I also tried Spatzli (not to be confused with Smutzli, the swiss father christmas' scary friend!) When in the mountains I tried alpine Macaroni and another food I have no idea what is called but it was something wrapped in spinach! ( I do not think I will cut it as a food blogger!) The cheese is indeed as good as people say it is. I will say though that the Swiss are cheese snobs! They would not hear a good word said about Cheddar cheese. It may not be as glamorous of the wealth of cheeses the Swiss boast but a mature and rich cheddar cheese can certainly stand shoulder to shoulder with swiss cheese. I really wish I had taken some with me!

Grated Potato!

On the downside, I have put on so much weight because the food is bloody lovely!

On the second day I decided it would be a good idea to climb the mountain (hill) behind Corona's apartment. Corona didn't share my sentiments, but with a little coercion we were on out way up the hill through the forest to the top. My choice of clothing was not the best but my scarf  (knitted by my mother!) and jumper was just about enough. Once at the top, after being followed by the only other two people walking up this huge hill (Whom we suspected were murderers because they were acting very suspiciously!) we were welcomed by a 5 star hotel. A really nice place to stay, but we settled down for an expensive coke before running for the train back down!

The next trip up a hill came a few days later when Corona took me up the mountains near Zurich (not a euphemism!) This was what I was most looking forward to and I was not disappointed! After a train ride we took a bus for the last part of the journey. The snow became thicker and the surroundings became even quieter. Cars were completely covered in snow and the road was scarily icy, although this didn't deter the bus driver from making good progress. Our first port of call was a swimming pool. I thought it was a strange idea but I couldn't be more wrong. After changing in to my lovely swim wear ( I will have to release a calendar!) we headed into an outside pool. It was remarkable to be sat there in the mountains in a hot pool surrounded by mist and fog with snow pelting down. Very relaxing and quite magical!

My dress in general was not quite as appropriate as my swim wear was. I decided that it would be a good idea to only bring a pair of holey trainers with me to the notoriously snowey Swiss alps. When walking down from the swimming pool and then up to the apartment in the mountains these were not the most helpful and comfortable attire. In fact of course, after being all manly and telling Corona I will protect her from slipping, I fell on my arse quite forcefully!

But that walk up to the apartment was incredible. I felt totally at peace surrounded by white and quite in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I have to use the word again but this has to be the most beautiful place I have had the pleasure to see! The next day we had the slowest sledge ride ever  (maybe slowed down by my extra cheese weight!) down the mountain.

Well, apart from being taken to a Salsa party (which I have been trying to avoid in Ghana for 18 months) and a little sushi I will bring the blog to an end here. I have no idea if you have enjoyed this one or not but I certainly enjoyed the memories! Corona, thank you for a great week, by far the most relaxing week I have had in years!

I thought you may like to see a picture of a dog relieving himself in front of Louis Vuitton!

I want to be a star! (Night with the Stars, and Yevu)

I have run way to smoothies once again, this time not because I am tired of my room but because we seem to have a localised power issue! The localised issue is even more than just the area, or even just the house. The landlady has finally gone crazy and seems to be refusing to pay for the electricity for a couple of the rooms. One of which I am trying to live in!

 It has actually been a tough week in which the news of which my contract with my current organisation has not been extended leaving next year up in the air a little! I will have to hope and work hard on opening a new opportunity. There will certainly be more posted about this little annoyance when I can post without worry!

Anyway, in want to give a little bullet point blog about an event that happened a few weeks ago. The Night with the Stars at the Conference centre. (Annoyingly I was not invited as a star!) It was Corecta's last night before running back to be a lawyer (or try to become one) in Philly! I decided to force her along and hope that finally she had a good night. Getting in was a little bit of a palaver (because as a tight ass i didn't want to pay the 50 cedis) but after finding a friend of a friend he told those at the gate I am with the BBC. That seemed to do the trick! Anyway, to the bullet points:

• Everyone goes to these events dressed to kill. The girls who are slightly larger seem to try and fit into the same dresses as those a little slimmer. (I am not complaining though, some great views!)
• The stage for the event was actually quite good. Light displays and the whole set up was very professionally done. 
• At the side of the stage were two big screens used by MTN. The audience could text to a short code and have their messages shown to everyone. If I had known then I would have charged and topped up my phone ready to market and make fun of everyone I could! I only managed one message comparing the dancers to my white grandmother before my batter died! But this message board gave me immense entertainment throughout the concert.
• The problem with this message board though, was that it was clear MTN were sending in their own, 'MTN is so amazing' messages!
• the rap doctor Okyeame Kwame rode into the conference centre on the horse! (What more analysis can I give on this!)
• Corecta would prefer a tall man! (It is likely my friendship with her is over for this comment!) As a side note I would like to tell everyone in Accra that Magnolias on switchback road, Cantonments, is an amazing restaurant with amazing food and a great setting!!
• Men and women that attend these events are all so interested in having their photographs taken in front of the boards. Usually the women seem to like to turn round so the camera, and all the men standing watching them have their photo taken can focus on their posterior! 
• Kokovelli performed with the trinity. Na na na na na na Kokovelli..... This was the big tune when I first came to Ghana!
• After talking about r2bees for the whole show it was then announced that he missed his flight from Kumasi. Really!? They couldn't have told us at the beginning so we did not hang around right to the end to see them!

Hearts vs Kotoko - For the atmosphere!

I have a pile up of things to write about the Hearts - Kotoko derby, the Joy Fm Night with the Stars event and by request from Lucky Heather my war with bracelet sellers on Oxford Street. I have been meaning to write for a couple of weeks but busyness and work issues and health issues keep delaying me. (Incidentally, the work issues may lead to a couple of interesting blogs eventually!)

This time round I think I will focus briefly on the Hearts- Kotoko derby at the Accra Stadium. On the morning of the game I was unsure whether I would go or not but having not been to this fixture before I decided I would be a fool to miss out another year! I called Michael (A Twi speaking German who is an unlikely Kotoko ultra) (yet to have a nickname!) and fortunately he had a spare ticket. We strolled down to the stadium met with Stephan (who's nickname will be revealed shortly) and his friend and looked for a safe way into the stadium. Having almost being the victim of robbery there before I am never to careful about getting into the stadium, but this time we managed to enter with no trouble at all. 

We got some relatively good seats behind one of the goals (which is not to bad because the pitch seems extremely small) and sat down with a mix of fans from either team. For those of you who do not live in Ghana or do not know about these two teams, they have the biggest traditional rivalry in Ghanaian local league football. Hearts of Oak are from Accra and Asante Kotoko are from Kumasi (the second city) They have long been the dominant forces in Ghanaian football and have only recently been challenged for the top of the table due to the large investment being made into the local league here. 

So we settle in to our seats, realising that there was no shade and that sunburn was an imminent problem ready for a good match. Michael, the Kotoko hooligan that he is, had inadvertently warn the colours of Hearts of Oak on his t-shirt. (either not the big fan that he suggests he is or hedging his bets incase of a Hearts victory) The atmosphere was great with most of the stadium full. The two sets of fans were singing there songs and one or two vuvuzellas were ringing out! We were a ready for the game. 

I would love to sit here and tell you all that the game was played with incredible quality but unfortunately that was not the case. To keep the sports journalism part down to a minimum, apart from a few glimpses of some skill from one or two of the players the spacial and tactical awareness of both teams was just not apparent. There was no diagonal runs in the attack, in fact hardly any movement into space at all. If there did happen to be movement the person on the ball seemed not to have the vision to anticipate it. The referee made a few blunders. He missed a couple of bad tackles and punished a couple of good tackles but not enough to suggest that he had been bribed (at least bribed enough) by either of the teams. 

The other on field mistake was by one of the referees assistants. He gave a corner kick when the ball was clearly not out of play. This led to some off pitch trouble when some of the fans from the upper stands started to launch a bottle attack on the linesmen who had to begin to dodge for his life! The police then jumped into action by standing and waving at the crowed! (I can now see why they earned there salary increase!) The Kotoko players also came over to the side of the pitch and begged and waved to the fans to stop bottle bombing the linesmen! The eventually stopped and the pitch was cleared and the game go back underway. (Bottle bombing happened at one more occasion in the second half of the game)

Other points of note in the game where the Kotoko mascot and the eating habits of a german football fan!

The Kotoko mascot is, in fact, a cow! I actually spent the better half of the first half watching this cow mince around the stadium trying to get the crowed singing and winding up the Hearts fans. (Quite amooooosing)(sorry that is terrible!) I don't think I can say much more about him (or her, maybe he/she had udders?)

Now on to Stephan's eating habits. Back home, it is not unusual to grab a beer before the game and a pie at half time! (a big manly meat pie to keep the energy levels up to shout abuse at the opposing fans and players and occasionally your own manager in the second half) Now, Stephan may, or may not be the typical football fan in Germany but it seems that his choice of half time food is...a cucumber! I of course asked "what the hell are you eating?" but he was able to justify his choice due to the high water content! (Fair enough, but he could just have had a bottle of water?)

Oh, by the way, the score is 0-0 and I lost my bet that there would be a penalty before the final whistle!

Kotoko Fan/Hearts Colours!

Cucumber and his Cucumber!

Azonto!

Sometime ago I wrote about dance etiquette (or my perceptions of it) in Ghana and my inability to understand it.

http://yevuinghana.blogspot.com/2010/12/dance-etiquette.html

Now, the dance life here has become even harder. The Azonto dance has become popular on the dance floors and streets across Ghana. Whether in a club, by the street side or at a wedding (or a funeral) men and women are randomly and sporadically breaking into the Azonto dance. Shouts of 'come on Sam, dance Azonto' are worryingly frequent and always ignored. I have a problem with the two step let alone this straight legged, hand spinning dance that at times is reminiscent of a bit of John Travolta in Greece!

If you do not know about the Azonto craze which has hit Ghana and beyond here is a little video to teach you the moves. You will be pleased to know that I am not going to give you personal lessons!

http://www.twitvid.com/SH5DQ

Enjoy, and happy dancing! (Maybe I should learn this dance!?)

People only clubs - Racism in Accra!

A lot of you would not have seen the recent news regarding racism in Ghana. To cut a long story short a restaurant (a stones throw from my house) had a no black policy when it came to a member club. (Italian owned) A policy that seems to scarily hark back to another age when it was seen as legitimate to discriminate against those with another skin colour.

Here is the link if you would like to read further http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-15552093.

This has got massive coverage here and across the world. Ghanaians of course came out very strongly against this and a lot of anti foreign rhetoric was banded about. As soon as I heard the story I thought bugger this could potentially have a big affect on the majority of ex-pats living here who would not even consider such a policy, and the backlash could make things a little uncomfortable. Certainly many of us as critical of certain things we come across in Ghana but to think about race in such a manner would not even cross out minds. My good friend Aunty Melanie mentioned to me yesterday that the only time she notices she hangs out with black friends is when she sees her white face in a photograph. I totally agree with this. To take it to another extreme, when I first moved in to this house (which is full of white people) I could not even remember how to socialise with them! (Incidentally, Melanie cooked me some incredible Roulade yesterday! The first home cooking I have had in a very long time, and damn good food! Thanks Melanie!)

Anyway, this is not going to be a controversial blog to try and push the buttons and cause a huge heated debate. I think the subject of race is one I should probably not say too much about. I was even asked to come on Metro Tv to discuss it and I quietly ignored the invite!

Last night one thing happened which is not as uncommon as it should be. I was out checking out a bash to celebrate Eid in New Town. As I strolled through the crowd of people I heard someone shout, "Go back to your country!" Of course I looked around and wanted to call the guy to come down and explain his sentiments. (politely....) Whilst searching around I was dragged off by one of the guys that were accompanying me. (probably for my own safety, as I'd had a couple of glasses of wine by this stage!) I am not going to analyse this right now because I will probably get carried away.  What I will say is that this is not the first time I have heard this and other similar comments shouted at me as I stroll around Accra. 

I should make it clear that I am in no way in support of the 'white club' and was appalled to hear about it I just want to point out that it is a very small minority of ex pats that think that way here in Ghana and that there are also some anti foreign sentiments amongst some groups also. 

See...very uncontroversial! 

Miss Malaika 2011 goes to...serious!?

It has been a while since I have blogged, and a really long while since I have written about a night out or a dramatic event. There have been a few, including being threatened with a bottling by a street boy criminal called Marvin, whilst trying to protect my volunteers, but those kind of events are old news and boring.

Last night I was fortunate enough to be given a complimentary ticket to Miss Malaika 2011 at the International Conference centre, by a former participant in this blog. I think I called her mysterious beach girl, but she is no longer mysterious, and I have not been to the beach with her for a very very long time!

After finishing eating (alone) in the increasingly boring situation I am finding myself in, there was no way I would turn down the ticket. I got to the Conference Centre and sat down in my seat ready to enjoy my first experience at a 'beauty' contest. Of course I have seen a few on the TV before but never been there in the Audience. The show went rather well, with the hosts, Chris Attoh (the actor) and one of the ladies from Adams Apple (forgotten the name) did very well and dealt with the minor glitches very well. I must admit it is one of the best hosting jobs I have seen in Ghana.

In the talents round one girl did some art work on stage which looked a complete mess until she unveiled it as an African Woman's head. Really different talent, as opposed to the normal dancing and drama pieces.,I certainly have to applaud her courage! After this we got closer and closer to the finale after watching a host of performers, some good, some terrible, grace the stage.  The last round saw the 5 remaining girls answer the question who is more important the house wife or the career woman. All the girls tried to give an answer and most gave decent reasons. Then the last girl, probably the favourite and the most attractive of the bunch stepped up to give her answer....

She choked and the crowed let her know. Lots of "OHHH Geri!!" chants came from around the auditorium and she must have known that this was the end of the road for her.

We then came to the unveiling of the Miss Malaika Queen for 2011. It was all going smoothly and the 2nd place runner up was announced.  Then it was time for the first place runner up, and the first hitch came. Apparently it was a tie! and the tie was between Alex and Geri (the bad speaker!) Of course the alarm bells started ringing! Had they planned for Geri to win? Were they giving her a second chance to prove herself? Maybe!

It was decided that the two of them would be asked another question to see who would finally take the crown. They were both asked what three qualities to be a woman of the millennium?  (Which millennium?)  Alex stepped up first and got a huge round of applause and cheers when she completely smashed the answer for a home run. (I recently watched a baseball movie! (Rounders is better!)) So now it was Geri's turn, could she do better? There was an awkward silence as she again forgot to take the mic from Chris Attoh as she gave her answer. He answer was phenomenal due to the fact that it was terrible. In fact two of the reasons she gave were the same and the other reason was not even a reason. She concluded by saying she had nothing to add, it was a for gone conclusion! Alex would surely lift the crown and settle it on her head!

WRONG!

Geri of course in this story took the crown. It was a tie between the two before the last question but some how her incredibly bad last answer had propelled her ahead in the judges votes. (I was actually how, when there is an odd number of judged how there could have been a tie in the first place?) When she was announced the winner the whole place was in shock and two thirds of the audience just got up and voted with their feet. Everyone left, and no one stayed to see the fake queen be crowned!

I certainly wish Fake Queen Geri the best in her reign as Miss Malaika! And to Alex, It seems your sharp mind and intelligence and ability to talk under pressure could push you further up the ladder than a beauty Queen!



As the show went on we reached the finale, with the girls all answering a question on who was

Kept awake by religion!

So, this is just a quick post with an example of both noise and religion. I came home last night not long after midnight after a great show at Alliance Francaise. The singer KG (South African based in Canada) blew me away and must be the best female vocalist I have heard live in years. Despite the good music my sometimes uncontrollable mood was not at its best and not helped by my neighbour who was making a little noise. (to say the least) Here is a little example of what religious noise can sound like here!

I have added one or two random Ghana pictures also so incase you get irritated by the sound you can mute your speakers and have a look. The first picture is where the noise was coming from. Check out the massive Coconut! And look out for my Ghetto cleaning lady!

Accra Noise!

Accra life is full of noise! Whether sleeping or whilst awake, you can not live in Accra without defining your life with noise. I decided on this blog whilst strolling around and I realised that wherever I walked there so many noises I just do not hear back in the UK. Living in the countryside back home the only noises I hear are the distant churning of traffic, the occasional fox screaming in the night, our dog,  Branston, fearfully barking at those he doesn't know, my father moaning and my mother worrying!

As I lay on my bed writing this blog I already have the noise of the women who clean the rooms and wash our clothes chattering outside with my Air conditioning unit whirring in the background. For me, with a Tinitus issue (ringing in the ears) the AC is a comforting side. Let me not forget the huge massive cockerel (affectionately known as Roostie) that perches not far from my room and screams throughout every day and night (which is certainly not comforting) (I have actually offered to build this chicken/ostrich a house away from my room . As long time readers may remember the noise of a chicken actually contributed to me being kicked out of accommodation so I am trying hard to tolerate this beast!)

Other noises that I hear from the room are mainly rather annoying. Even now there is a gentleman (possibly the landlords new driver?) singing (at least I think he is singing) with a lack of tune and in what I can only describe as a zombie like fashion! Then there is the sweeping, which certainly is not as bad as in past accommodation. Very occasionally the house ladies invite their amateur pastor friends over who pray in a very exuberant fashion usually saying the same thing over and over again in different ways. They are walking thesaurus and trick people into thinking they are saying a very long  prayer but in actual fact its the same sentence. Can I Hear an AMEN! HAAAALLEEEELUUJAA!

(Oh my, this guy singing has got issues!! A high pitched wail is now being practiced!)

Let us now leave my room (I know that may be difficult) and head out onto the streets of Accra. Africa is known stereotypically for its singing, dancing and drumming. I think it is true to say that rhythms run throughout Ghana and define the jobs of many. If you go to the chop bars (small eating spots) you will here the boom...boom...boom of the fufu pounder smashing into the cassava, yam and plantain creating the staple food to eat with some nice soup!

Sellers throughout has certain rhythms and almost melodic phrases to tell those around them what service or product they are providing. The first you will hear when you come into the hustle and bustle of Accra, whether strolling around or sitting on a Tro Tro is ''Yeessss Puuure" selling the little sachets of pure water, which are the most cost effective liquid sustenance in Ghana.

If you have a problem with your shoe, your flip flop has broken or you simply need a bit of a polish job done then listen out for the loud Clack...Clack...Clack of the show maker. He walks around with his wooden box, full of polishes and new heals (which reminds me I need a new heal!) and tools, as well as his wooden stick to beat it. So many times I have been standing there and one of these shoe makers has come out of no where and made me jump out of my skin with a surprisingly loud CLACK!. Very useful for a lazy guy like me though!

Next comes the ting ting.....tingtingting...ting..ting of guess what? The manicurist! (Yes indeed here in Accra we have mobile manicurists!) You seem them around painting ladies nails and working on trimming mens nails. This is the first place in the world where I have seen so many men getting there nails done! In fact even I (the manliest of men of course) have had my toenails done! I was kind of forced into it by an ex as I foolishly spent my whole day waiting for her to get a weave on, or bonding, or something. (For those that don't know about black women's hair all you need to know is that it takes a bloody long time!! If you ever have to wait...go and do it in a pub!) It is unlikely I will ever get a manicure or a pedicure again, but if I do fancy it I will just listen out for the ting ting of the manicurist's tools.

Ok now for another ting ting but this time of the glass variety! And this is a rather more manly one ( I think anyway) This is the tingletingletingle ( notice the difference?!) of the Akpeteshie seller. Akpeteshie is a local gin brewed in Ghana in conditions that those who drink it would definitely not want to see! In Accra there are about as many drinking spots as there are churches. (and believe me there are thousands of churches) But even with copious spots the gin lovers will be glad to know that if they find themselves out of reach of one of these spots the mobile bar will walk past them tingling his tune ready for you to get drunk on the move! Brilliant!

I almost forgot, the honkey honkey of the fan ice man! This fellow (or these fellows) is (are) the ice cream seller(s) around town! They sell frozen yoghurts and ice cream. I must admit they are a welcome refreshment on a hot hot day and the sound is a very welcome one!

So I have mentioned some of the more subtle noises of Accra but lets face it there are some far less subtle noises to be found here! Apart from the tro tro's screaming out where they are going to...CIRC CIRC CIRC or ACCRA KRAKRAKRA etc etc (those who have been in Accra will know of course what I am talking of) there are the drivers that drive using their horns rather than steering wheels or breaks. I have often tried to work out if the different rhythms on the horn mean different things. Kind of sounding out like the talking drum at a traditional ceremony. But, now, I am pretty sure they are just randomly played to either tell the other driver (or pedestrian) that they are going to pass first, or rather confusingly to tell the other driver (or pedestrian) that they can actually pass first. It could just be to say that 'hey, I am coming round this corner'! Or maybe just because they are checking that the horn is still working. Some even have there horns hooked up to other switches to make it easier to sound! This has to be one of the most irritating sounds in Accra!

Another extremely irritating sound for me comes from the thousands of churches that I mentioned earlier. To be fair it is only one kind of Church (I think) that is making the most noise. The charismatic churches (which can be found in massive rich expensive buildings or randomly in the middle of a football pitch somewhere) pride themselves on being able to talk in tongues! Quite annoyingly we have one of these little church kinds hiding somewhere near out house! Now, you would think that speaking in tongues is quite an amazing thing (that is of course if they are not all pretending because they are worried they are the only one not speaking in tongues!) but these guys are so proud of it that they get a microphone and a massive set of speakers and scream their tongues through it for the whole area to hear. What I dont understand about the tongues is that it seems to be the same phrase repeated over and over and over (and over) again. Surely to actually be able to speak in tongues it would end up in a rather boring conversation!? And if the guy is using his microphone you may well end up with a headache.

There are thousands of other sounds around and it is likely that I will have to write a rejoinder at some point to this blog but I think I wrote this one to just let people know that they should really listen to their surroundings. There are many noises that are taken for granted but in actual fact have a use or a meaning that we have not thought about.

And Bish Bash Bosh...I am out!

Ghana Safety Rejoinder!

Just a quick note to post some worrying safety news. Many got a little frustrated with me portraying their beloved Ghana in a negative. Well since I have posted I have had various guys from overseas pick pocketed and more worryingly in the last week I know of three foreigners (who have recently come to Ghana) who have been robbed with men wielding Machetes! They were slapped with the flat side and a couple of them were wounded!

Fortunately no one was seriously injured but I must say this has got me a little worried!